The Song of Songs has been a special book to me as long as I can remember. As a young woman in love with Jesus, I read it many times in secret, as it was written just for me! Raised in a strict and religious environment, however, I didn’t have a mature place to put a book like this. But even though the content was potentially erotic to the imagination, “The Song” seemed to warm my heart in a different way; its power was in the way it fired up curiosity in what was possible for a single person and her growing relationship to Jesus Christ. It made me want more ~ of Him.
Growing up, I developed a very “tender” relationship with Christ. When I was a little girl, and Catholic, I would regularly put my plastic statue of Jesus in bed with me every night, and cover it up. I prayed often to him, but also to Mary – always asking her to relay a message to Jesus. It started to feel confusing, because intuitively, I knew I could go directly to Jesus! But I didn’t know any better at the time, and kept trying to make it work.
Later in life, after my parents moved on to a much different “frying pan” of religious influence, I began to develop that tender relationship with Jesus even more, (this time with no statues) :-) to the point that playing “church” began to be an increasing struggle. Much of it just didn’t seem to jive with Christ being a real person that we can have a relationship to, and really follow, as did the disciples. Even things like singing worship songs before a “service,” and raising one’s hands – which I liked to do – started to feel unreal. If Jesus was in the room, would we sing a pre-planned list of songs him? Every time? Would we talk about Him as if He’s not right there?
So much it was just not making sense to the living, breathing reality I was experiencing in my private, spiritual life. But again, I stayed faithful. I couldn’t imagine life without going to church and submitting to its traditions and leaders. What else was there?
It was about that time, (when I was about 25 yrs old) that I was chosen by my church leaders to be a part of special evening of prayer, with visiting prophets. For about 2 weeks ahead of the date, I prayed and fasted so my heart would be in a good place to hear God. But when the night came, and it was my turn on the stage, I did NOT hear God’s voice, but strange voices instead. They were telling me God wanted me to do certain things – that I never heard God tell me Himself before. And they were telling me other things that I knew weren’t true about me. I was devastated, and began to tremble and cry. When they saw this, they proceeded to make me feel badly, like there was something wrong with me. One of the men quoted a verse from the Song of Songs, calling me a “walled up garden,” and that the devil had me bound up.
After that evening, I cried for a solid week. But after going to what felt like hell and back, I rose up in a newness of life one morning, and I felt like I had grown several spiritual feet! I began to study the Bible for myself, and my understanding of it was opening up like never before. For the first time, I was able to comprehend the beautiful reality of “Christ in me,” and that I could trust this indwelling presence to teach and guide me.
It was not too much later after this, that I was reading in the Song of Songs again, and discovered with great joy that being a “walled up garden” is not a negative trait, but a positive one! It refers to being a protected garden that is available for the enjoyment of her lover (Christ) only! (See Song 4:12)
Needless to say, this whole experience of being also made me appreciate the Song of Songs even more! But also how easy it to be discouraged from reading it, if someone (especially a teacher or person in “authority”) has mistreated and misapplied it’s truths!
It wasn’t until some years later that I felt a call on my life to study this book more extensively, and write about it. By then I had long since shed the religious baggage that had been so much a part of my thinking. A spiritual father also came into my life, who himself was passionate about this book. In the days of his illness he began to converse with me and a few others about it’s meaning, and it was a heavenly conversation that was unfortunately cut short by his death. It was soon after that, I started the adventure of continuing that conversation, and with others I was in relationship to.
Since then it’s been a roller coaster journey of writing about it, then stopping, then picking it back up again. The fact is, The Song is not ascertained by mere bible study.It was, and is, an intimate journey with and to “our First Love.” It is also much more than one person’s understanding of words on paper; it is the heart-throb of many people – the Bride of Christ – coming together to make melody, and ultimately manifest the “intimate kingdom” on earth.
Peace to you!
P.S. If any of this speaks to your heart, I’d love to hear from you, and about your journey as well! My direct email is: here.
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