Pausing To Think About Friends

A brief pause here, to share a lesson I learned this week. As it often happens, it’s related to where we are in the Song of Songs. It is:

Telling others too much, too soon.

Doing so may feel good in the moment, but the results are not!

Think about it. Declaring “he brought me into his chambers” (1:4) was a true statement for the Shulamite, but it brought out the immaturity and hidden jealousy of the young women who heard her. 

They immediately scanned her for faults. They judged her unworthy of a high calling. And they were closed off from rejoicing with her. 

In the next post we’ll look at the stunning way she responded. (Sorry, I don’t mean to keep dangling that!) :-)

But meanwhile I got to thinking.

There is something about all this that is reminiscent of Joseph’s story in the book of Genesis.^⁠1 Joseph was the “runt of the litter” among his eleven older brothers. He too was given dreams. Dreams that his brothers would someday bow to him! 

But before he was ready to deal with this kind of position, (which came true later in his life) Joseph tells his brothers about the dreams. 

(Unfortunately the zeal of youth doesn’t always think before speaking, even if the motives may be pure.)

The story goes on that Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery. Not just because of his dreams, but also because Joseph had a special place in their father’s heart, and they hated him for that.

The Shulamite woman and Joseph had a similar story, because they had a similar anointing. It was one that required them to follow the Voice of God, not the voices of fear, shame, and human agenda. And they were to humbly surrender their lives to this Voice – all the way to forgiving and serving those who rejected them – or who sadly just weren’t there for them. (Job is another great example of this with his disappointing friends. Hover to see: Job 42:10.)

❤︎  A Good and Right Desire

When God is calling us into an intimate relationship with Him, and equipping is in a specific way to express His life, we long for others to share our journey with. People who can cry with us when we are hurting or humbled, and rejoice with us when we are happy and exalted. And people who can be this way because they themselves are rooted and secure in the love and peace of God. This is good and right to desire friends like this. 

But what’s not good and right is to have expectations on people in our life to be there for us in this way. We wish it were certain people: flesh, or blood, for example. But this was not the way for Christ, the Shulamite, Joseph, and innumerable people that God has mightily used down through the ages.

In fact, it is those closest to us who often devalue, reject, or hurt us the most.

● How they treat me as the Master, is how they will treat you as my Disciples,  John 15:20.

● A person’s enemies will be those of his own household, Matthew 10:36.

● No prophet is accepted in his home town, Luke 4:16-30.

❤︎  Trust and Thankfulness

It’s not easy, but there is a liberating place that God wants to bring His people to that is released of the frustrating grip of relational expectations. It comes through brokenness and absolute dependance on Him for our connections. It is demonstrated by faithfully walking out our calling with trust and thankfulness – even if for awhile we do so hidden away and alone.

But for all our losses – there is an encouraging promise that God wants to bless us, along with our persecutions, with a hundredfold of spiritual family and friends.^⁠2 Some already came and went home. Others will walk with us for only a season. Still others are already in our lives but we don’t spiritually comprehend them just yet. When we let go of expectations of who they should be, and what they should look like, our eyes will be opened to how relationally rich we probably already are!

❤︎  Being a Lover in Training

People will not always see us with true love and acceptance – and sometimes we know right after we divulge too much, too soon, that we are being asked by God to walk alone in something. At least for the time being.

But this is a necessary lesson for a “lover in training.” When we choose to walk in forgiveness and kindness toward those who disappoint and hurt us, (the kind that Christ demonstrated on the cross for us) we too become unshakeable and available to receive and enjoy relationships from God as gifts in a liberating, love-centered way!  

(Meanwhile, is there any better “friend” than Jesus?) :-)

¹ Genesis 37-50 / ² Mark 10:30